Hello, Fans! My daughters tell me that some of you have been anxiously awaiting a new installment of their charming yet biased blog. I took the liberty of picking up Joy and Jemina’s slack and drafting a Boyd Family Newsletter to help stave off your collective literary hunger pangs.
Christmas 2009 descended quicker than Phil on a free sample at Sam's Club. To my great satisfaction, all of my children (save James and his offspring, who already live here in Iowa) made the sojourn to my house in order to honor the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ. I fired up my oven and started baking weeks in advance. I also set about the difficult task of childproofing the house. These preparations mostly consisted of wrapping all furniture in plastic, giving Phil strict instructions on the enforcement of no-shoes zones, and putting away all of my valuables to prevent them from being tarnished by grubby grandbaby fingerprints. At long last, my three youngest children arrived. Together with the information I already know about James, I am prepared to share the following items of intelligence:
James Charlie, our eldest and most favored offspring, begat his latest child in July of 2009 with a little help from his wife Reba. Baby Rowan was the fourth child for James and Reba, so naturally Phil and I are quite proud to see them following in our fertile footsteps! I suspect that when James’s litter gets out of line (and they most assuredly will), James will finally take me up on my offer to let him borrow The Board of Education.
Joshua David, the second one, and his wife, Ashlee, are busy juggling various and sundry careers. I have made numerous inquiries as to when I can expect grandchildren from them, but they claim to be too busy to think about starting a family. Poppycock! What’s to think about? I ask. You don’t plan these things, they just happen! At least, that’s what Phil and I always believed. And look how our kids turned out!
Joy Anne, our pretty daughter, is busy being a VERY IMPORTANT LAWYER. I try not to pry into her financial affairs, but I am pretty sure that she is diligently devising a plan to support Phil and I in the future. I've told her that all we need is an in-law suite in her house, but for some reason she is determined to provide us with our own house that is at least 1-2 hours away. What a blessing! Despite her career successes, I regret to inform you, dear readers, that Joy is still in need of a good man. Phil and I cannot believe she is still single, and pray for her everyday to find a good man who is fluent in ASL or a male CODA. Either one would make us extremely happy. Please join us in praying for Joy to find a man who will love the Lord, the Deaf, and the fact that she is smarter than he is.
Jemina, the other daughter, is living a life of adventure in Nashville, Tennessee. At least, this is what I’ve surmised as she is quite unresponsive to my many texts, emails, and Facebook messages. We pray that she finds a good Baptist church in Nashville. Can you believe she has been looking for the past 2 years and has had no luck? Since she is only 24 we are not as concerned about her finding a husband, because everyone knows a woman's biological clock doesn't start winding down until the age of 29 (tick tock, tick tock, Joy!). Due to Jemina’s uncommunicativeness, I have resorted to checking her daily Facebook statuses. This has yielded some positive results. For example, I've learned that Jemina enjoys hanging out with her friends Tim Gunn and Tom Collins. Who knows? Maybe Tim or Tom will turn out to be more than a friend in the future (wink, wink)!
Well, I think that's all the news I have on our kids right now. As for Phil and I, we are staying fit and trim and maintaining our diet. We are proud to announce that we have purchased several new sets of matching tracksuits to accommodate our now-svelte figures. I hope this newsletter has satiated everyone's appetite. Be on the lookout for some new stories in the upcoming weeks!
Love,
Syl (and Phil)
Welcome to the first installment of Frozen Sandwiches' latest project: The Wall of Shame. In keeping with our mission of helping people feel better about their childhoods, we've decided to let our readers take part in the fun. To that end, we are asking our readers to share their most embarrassing childhood photographs and to reveal their most intimate secrets. Why? We believe Mark Twain said it best: "Humor is tragedy plus time."
